(This is the transcript of a speech given by Kirsten G. on October 15, 2002, to the First Hanseatic Toastmasters, a communication and leadership group, in Hamburg. The speech objective was "Inspire Your Audience", and the speech was meant to inspire the group to be more aware of attitudes, opinions, and cultures outside of their own. The group, whose members are all trying to improve their communication skills through practicing public speaking, is made up of members from a variety of nationalities, including Germans, Danes, French, English, Irish, Canadian, Chinese, and Japanese. For more information about Toastmasters or the First Hanseatic Toastmasters group in Hamburg, contact Kirsten G at AWCH Webgineer, or see the group's website at http://www.hamburg-toastmasters.de)

A long time ago in India, there was a group of blind men who got into an argument about what an elephant was like. Since they were all blind, they had never seen an elephant, and so they decided to find an elephant and discover its essence for themselves. The first blind man touched the elephant, discovered it was like a wide cylinder and rough in texture, and declared, "The elephant is like a tree." The second blind man touched the elephant, and disagreed, saying, "The elephant hangs from the air and sways, and is narrow like a willow, so I would say the elephant is like a rope." The third also disagreed, comparing the elephant to a snake, as did the fourth, fifth, and sixth, comparing the elephant to a wall, a piece of cloth, and finally, a fan. Since they still could not agree on what the elephant was like, they went to the Buddha and asked, "Which of us is right?" "All of you are right, and none of you are right," was the reply. "Why?" asked the men. "Because each of you can only see part of the elephant. To learn the truth, you must put all the parts together."

This old Hindu fable illustrates a basic fact of life – different people can have distinctly different perceptions of the same thing. The blind men were curious about what an elephant was like, and they did what any motivated person would do – checked it out for themselves. But the problem is, each man confronted the problem armed only with his own knowledge. He only "saw" what he already believed to be true. And this is true of all of us. Each of us creates a unique view of the world based on personal experience, language, and culture, and the only way to broaden that view is to experience other people's ideas and cultures. And broadening that view is something that we should all strive to do.

This is something of which I have firsthand knowledge. My first experience with culture clashes was in 1991, when I studied in London for five months. At that point, I got a taste of a different way of life, and loved it, but was ready at the end of the five months to move back to the U.S. Because while going outside my comfort zone was a learning experience, and in the end was very enriching, it was also difficult, scary, and tiring. Since then, through traveling in Europe and, finally, in moving to Germany, I have had other opportunities to broaden my world view, but it hasn't been easy. And along the way, I have made three realizations that have helped me, like the blind men, to "learn to see".

The first realization is "things are not always as you imagine". Like the blind men with the elephant, we go into situations with a certain set of expectations based on our past experiences. But sometimes, those expectations are proved wrong. Let me give you an example. One of my and Jim's favorite foods to have at restaurants here in Hamburg is the traditional smoked eel appetizer. When my parents came to visit for the first time, we raved about the smoked eel and insisted that they try it. Well, my mother absolutely refused. She said eel sounded disgusting. She couldn't imagine trying something as slimy as eel. And she said she had eaten something that tasted similar to eel, and she didn't like it at all. So she just refused. When we got to the restaurant, we ordered a plate for her anyway, and after much coaxing, she tried it. And what do you think happened? Of course, she liked it. Now, my mom entered the situation with a set of ideas based on her past experience, but none of her past experiences ended up being similar or appropriate to this situation. So in the end, the only way for her to broaden her experience was to just try it. And the same goes for any new situation. I have learned that things in Germany are often not as I imagine them, and regularly end up much better.

My second realization in my journey of "learning to see" is "don't believe everything you hear". Stereotypes exist everywhere, and while stereotypes generally have some basis in fact (or they wouldn't exist) all too often they do not apply. An example I had was before Jim and I were married when we were planning our honeymoon. We planned to end our trip with a three day stay in Paris. More often than not, when we mentioned this to people in the U.S., the response we would get was, "Why would you want to go to Paris? All French people are rude and obnoxious, especially to Americans. They refuse to speak English and are not helpful to tourists at all." Have some of you heard this? Do some of you believe this? Well, all I can say is, not only did we not have any bad experiences on our honeymoon stop in Paris, but I have been in Paris a total of four times now, and I have never had a situation where anyone was rude to me. And believe me, it's not because I speak French well. So it just goes to show that stereotypes do not always apply. And how sad it would have been if we had taken people's comments to heart and avoided visiting France, just because we were afraid of running into a nasty person. Once again, the only way to form an unbiased opinion of something is to experience it for yourself.

My final realization in my process of "learning to see" is, "it's not right or wrong; it's just different." This is the expatriate's mantra. When one first visits or moves to a foreign country, all one can see are the differences. For us in Germany, this has ranged in seriousness from frustrations about stores closing at 4 p.m. on Saturday and staying closed until Monday to hurt feelings at being harshly corrected by a random German person about something we've unwittingly done differently from what they perceive as being right. And while at first our tendency is to see anything different as being wrong, I've come to realize that, ultimately, it's just different. Take the store hours example. While having the stores closed from late Saturday afternoon on means that I have to plan ahead more than I would in the U.S., and if I suddenly realize on Sunday that I am missing an ingredient for dinner that night, I'm basically out of luck, it also means that Sunday can be devoted toward family time. Sundays in the U.S. are often frantic shopping days; whereas here, Sundays are days for walks or kaffee und kuchen! Ultimately, differences expand our horizons, and maybe even force us to think about why we do things in a certain way in the first place.

So why is all of this important? I probably could have gotten through life just fine without trying smoked eel, or visiting Paris, or spending my Sundays visiting with family instead of shopping, but my life would have been less rich as a result. I know more about myself and how I fit into the world now than if I had always been surrounded by people just like me. And this realization helps me when I'm confronted by cultural differences of opinion in things much larger than food, like how I feel about global warming and America's responsibility toward that, or the potential of war in Iraq. By living in Germany and interacting with Germans and other Europeans, I have been exposed to and come to understand your points of view on these and other subjects, even if I don't always agree. And I hope that by getting to know me, you have had the same experience.

So I challenge you to think about what I've said tonight and find ways to broaden your world view. You've already made a first step, by joining this Toastmasters group. The speeches we hear in this group give us the variety of perspectives that are so important in getting a more complete grasp of issues and situations. And many of you have already traveled outside of Germany, so you have also bumped into people and cultures who are different from you. And hopefully you've learned some lessons in those experiences. But I challenge you to take it one step further. Before you jump to a conclusion about someone or criticize someone else's viewpoint, try to see the situation from their shoes. Try to understand what "part of the elephant" they're experiencing. And don't be afraid to talk about your viewpoint, or ask the other person about his or hers. Because ultimately, as U.S. author Dr. Mike Murdock once said, "Your significance is not in your similarity to others. It is in your differences."